Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
