I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
