I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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