you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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