At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
