from now on my penis is your penis
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
