was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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