They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
