My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
