U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
