After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
