my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize