he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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