i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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