Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
