OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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