My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
