so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
