you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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