No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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