she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
