There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
