Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
