DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
