I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
