In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
