the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
