Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize