Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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