Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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