Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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