last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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