there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
