i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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