Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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