Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
