Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
