We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You're like the curious george of whores
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
