i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
did i just pee glitter
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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