You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize