you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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