Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
