Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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