This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We named our party play list daddy issues
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
