why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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