its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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