If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
