I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
