I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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