checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
