Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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