Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
