It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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