Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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