Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
All the doctor said was why
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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