Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
