Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
