You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
