Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
