I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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