just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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