literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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