SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
