I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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