Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
