the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
